72_SLilly

Apr 27

2009

Notes From A Depressive

Posted by SLilly in depression, CAT therapy

Depression

Yenine there's not much to share from Therapy for the simple reason that it is tailor made. I was prescribed something called CAT - Cognitive Analytic Therapy. The whole basis of therapy is from the fundamental understanding that the way we react towards life in general is shaped by our experiences. Or learned traits as we grow up. For instance, when i meet someone, my first instinct would never be to hug them. Ever. because i was never socialised like that. No one used to hug me. And i hardly express emotions of any kind, especially love. No one used to tell me they love me so it feels very odd doing so. I just go on showing it in my own special way, hoping people realise. This applies across the board, from family members, friends, through to intimate relations.

Now, since initially mine was suppose to last 16 weeks, but will continue for 32 weeks now, due to the complexity of my personality, what i've learned about myself so far is that it is not so much the contents that depress me, but it is embedded deep in my personality. I am a depressive, if i may say. I'll use the allegory of drivers as i always do when explaining depression to people. Two neighbour drivers leave at the same time one morning to work and they get stuck in the same traffic. One brushes it off as one of those things and the other gets so wound up it spoils his whole day. Now, similar circumstances, but different reactions. These reactions come about as a result of mainly past experiences that have shaped their whole view point. The aim of therapy is to try and find a common ground, to help you not get so wound up to the point of spoiling your whole day, or week or possibly your whole life.

This is done by going back into your childhood and analysing it. You'll be surprised the things that come up. You'll find that your general attitude towards the simplest things is shaped by a minor thing that happened when you were 7 or something. For example, i have deep trust issues. When i was 8, something terrible happened to me, and i wrote a letter to my mother (yes, thats why i'm so good at letters, i've always used them) and she never took me serious. Now i will hardly express myself in any circumstances that i'm not comfortable with. I choose to bail. It is easier for me. I didn't understand why until i sat down with my therapist and we analysed it. There's a lot more similar things.

So you now see that therapy has a very huge task in helping me understand myself, and i'm halfway through now. I know most people say there's a reason why our eyes are at the front, because we're not meant to look at our past. However, how do we know how to approach and shape our future if we barely understand ourselves? I think it's worth the effort.

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Apr 26

2009

Spilling My Guts Test Blog

Posted by SLilly in Untagged

Guilty As Charged...

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