Feb 07
Tuesday
Apr 27
2009

Notes From A Depressive

Posted by SLilly in depressionCAT therapy

SLilly

Depression

Yenine there's not much to share from Therapy for the simple reason that it is tailor made. I was prescribed something called CAT - Cognitive Analytic Therapy. The whole basis of therapy is from the fundamental understanding that the way we react towards life in general is shaped by our experiences. Or learned traits as we grow up. For instance, when i meet someone, my first instinct would never be to hug them. Ever. because i was never socialised like that. No one used to hug me. And i hardly express emotions of any kind, especially love. No one used to tell me they love me so it feels very odd doing so. I just go on showing it in my own special way, hoping people realise. This applies across the board, from family members, friends, through to intimate relations.

Now, since initially mine was suppose to last 16 weeks, but will continue for 32 weeks now, due to the complexity of my personality, what i've learned about myself so far is that it is not so much the contents that depress me, but it is embedded deep in my personality. I am a depressive, if i may say. I'll use the allegory of drivers as i always do when explaining depression to people. Two neighbour drivers leave at the same time one morning to work and they get stuck in the same traffic. One brushes it off as one of those things and the other gets so wound up it spoils his whole day. Now, similar circumstances, but different reactions. These reactions come about as a result of mainly past experiences that have shaped their whole view point. The aim of therapy is to try and find a common ground, to help you not get so wound up to the point of spoiling your whole day, or week or possibly your whole life.

This is done by going back into your childhood and analysing it. You'll be surprised the things that come up. You'll find that your general attitude towards the simplest things is shaped by a minor thing that happened when you were 7 or something. For example, i have deep trust issues. When i was 8, something terrible happened to me, and i wrote a letter to my mother (yes, thats why i'm so good at letters, i've always used them) and she never took me serious. Now i will hardly express myself in any circumstances that i'm not comfortable with. I choose to bail. It is easier for me. I didn't understand why until i sat down with my therapist and we analysed it. There's a lot more similar things.

So you now see that therapy has a very huge task in helping me understand myself, and i'm halfway through now. I know most people say there's a reason why our eyes are at the front, because we're not meant to look at our past. However, how do we know how to approach and shape our future if we barely understand ourselves? I think it's worth the effort.

 

Apr 26
2009

Spilling My Guts Test Blog

Posted by SLilly in Untagged 

SLilly

Guilty As Charged...

 

 

Apr 25
2009

Leading diplomatically with African Solutions in mind

Posted by Besh in Untagged 

Besh
www.beishedshabangu.blogspot.com
Apr 21
2009

back to BlaQ.

Posted by fb_635052059 in Untagged 

fb_635052059

 

the heart of a black woman has always been a mystery. I have been searching it myself, 21 years its been. some days, i am close enough to feel the warmth emanating from it.  other days, like today (and yesterday and the day before that), it is as mysterious as God himself.

 

anyone who asked me 2 years ago whether i would return home, i gave an enthusiastic reply with so much certitude you would think God had told me His secret yet glorious plan for my life.  I was a bLaQ woman after all; my heart was born of the soil of Swaziland. And there my heart would return.

 

A year passed. A year of Times of Swaziland every evening, the Swazi Observer every now and then (usually to clarify a story from the former) plus NewAfrican, BBC Africa....anything, you name it. I had my hands on it. Like a gathering storm, daily i grew infuriated at the blatant injustices, also the more obscure ones, being loaded on the backs of bLaQ woman. 

 

I grew increasingly disgusted by the moral degradation of our leadership, by the structural deterioration of your families, by the utter disintegration of our communities. Is this it, what i call home? What i am so proud to belong? Is this my destiny?

 

The storm broke out, and I wrote, infuriated, to the Times of Swaziland a scathing article about the hopelessness of our country. the hopelessness of true leadership. the embezzlement of the peoples' confidence by our very own king. I was on fire...stomping my feet and trying to shake the world back into order. 

 

Then it stopped. I was tired. Weary. A defeated soldier of a just cause. Had my bLaQ heart finally calloused? Had i given up? Did i become one of those, who leave the country never to return, GLAD to escape?Had i forgotten the orphaned and the vulnerable, the elderly, the university students, the underpaid factory workers, the faithful taxpayers, the...the..? Had i forgotten home?

 

I rebuked myself the other day for being a hypocrite. I wear my pride on my sleeve, and yet, i have forsaken my own home. I had become a comic replica of those people amongst whom i live today.

 

It's back to bLaQ.  It's time to make a different noise. I may scream my lungs out, but you know what? Last week, 20 Mercedes Benz were delivered into my country where a 6 year old me in unprivileged circumstances cannot get education. Last year, it was BMW. Next year, what is it going to be? Will i simply sigh at the headlines, or will i work to stop this daylight robbery?

 

We have been patient for too long, cried for too long, and still we are not heard. It's TIME.

 

 

Apr 16
2009

Swazis Rock

Posted by Mil-G in Swazis Rock Updates

Mil-G

Swazis Rock is rooted on the fundamental belief that through imagination, information and innovation, we can build a company that utilizes cutting-edge technologies to portray to the outside world the positive attributes of our collective Swazi identity, commercializing it to the benefit of local businesses and the community at large. This philosophy is best expressed by our mantra which draws from our history of song and dance – “Stomp your feet. Shake the world.”

Swazis Rock is a social media marketing business that provides digital tools with which businesses can engage, monitor, analyze and interact with their customers and prospects - we help them connect, and stay connected, with their customers thus creating opportunities for sales locally and across the globe.